REAL ESTATES

The US Military's New Strategy for Affordable Housing

US families suffering the gut-twisting blow of foreclosure need worry no longer. The US Military, with the assistance of the Bush Administration, has unveiled a new strategy for affordable housing. Called "segregation boxes," the lightweight, mobile wooden homes are currently all the rage in Iraq. There, hundreds of young men have been able to stretch out and relax in the lushly apointed, personally customized 3x3x6 foot residences.



Based on their success in the Mid-East, demand for segregation boxes is growing here on the home front. Four segreation boxes cost less than an average monthly mortgage payment, meaning an average American family can now live cleanly, humanely, and best of all, cheaply. It's another of the Bush Administration's sweeping initiatives to ease the nation's current economic woes.

Those of you interested in purchasing your own segregation boxes can write to:

W. Enterprises
P.O. Box 666
Washington, DC 20500

LETTERS FROM THE RANGE

The Rifleman Opens His Mailbag

Rifleman,

I have a question for you, rather the Obama campaign-- when are they gonna release the hounds?!? john mccain was in the keating 5 for fucks sake!

Respectfully,

T-Bone
Ballard, WA


Dear T-Bone,

Thank you for your letter. That graceful note of collegial esteem in your salutation is something I always appreciate. You're obviously a straight shooter, and your question is a good one, as it begs for a common sense approach to politics. I've got some bad news for you, mi amigo. You can beg all you want, but there is little common sense to be found in politics...especially when your politics are those of the Democratic Party.

Barack Obama has a lot of things going for him. He's young. He's a brilliant speaker. He has a good head on his shoulders. He has plans for the FUTURE of this country. A lot of people have taken him to task recently for jockeying toward the center on a lot of issues. His position shifts should come as no surprise. McCain's gdoing the same damn thing. This is the natural course of a Presidential race. As soon as the candidates are announced, they both pander to score the maximum number of votes. Common sense, right? Can you imagine any Democrat dumb enough to jockey hard left before a general election?* Unfortunately for America, this mad dash to the center is where common sense ends for the Democrats.

As you probably know if you've taken to writing me, I'm no fan of candidate McCain. But the old buzzard is doing it by the GOP book (I believe the title is The Necroneocon). He appears to be getting results. Comparing Barack Obama to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears may seem desperate and out of touch to you, me, and anyone else who's learned to read...but the polls don't lie (any more than they are designed to), and if you believe that hype, Johnny Mac is gaining ground.

Now common sense should dictate the course of action from the Obama camp. They should hit back...HARD. If you're a "long-time" reader of my dispatches, you'll remember that I advocated a take-no-prisoners approach early in the primary season. Same is true today. I think Team Obama should cut together their own advertisement that shows McCain to be the slobbering, doddering, ill-tempered, money-grubbing, war-prolonging, big oil-fucking, graft-abiding, old-crow party-pol that he most certainly is - in every way, shape, and form the WRONG choice for President at this crucial crossroads in our Nation's history. It wouldn't be hard to do. Any 16-year-old with a laptop could find enough Youtube clips to bury the undead Senator a thousand times over.

But is Obama willing to beat the Republicans at their own game? I think HE is. But don't overestimate that stubborn blue ass to which he’s hitched his wagon. The Democratic Party has, of late, bolstered the masochistic "grin and bear it" philosophy to counter the Rove Republican’s "slash and burn" strategy. The result - Dem candidates stand stoic as Michaelangelo's Pieta while Republicans pull a Laszlo Toth trip all over them.

Obama only stands to loose by standing idle. Flip-Flop Kerry stood idle. Nation-Builder Gore stood idle. Willy Horton Dukakis stood idle. My advice to Barack Obama is my advice to you:

Take Aim. Shoot Straight.

The Rifleman

_______________________________

*Remember, Kucinich didn't get the nod.

THE IMPOSTER

I don't know who this Chuck Stevens yahoo is, but word around the campfire is he's been sullying my name all over this wide, open range. If you're out there, Chuck, I'll meet you out front of McCall's Saloon at twelve bells.

And bring yer rifle...

WONDER WOMAN - RIFLEMAN WANNABE

PHOTOS FROM THE RANGE

Oh God said to Abraham, "Kill me a son"

Abe says, "Man, you must be puttin' me on"

God say, "No."

Abe say, "What?"

God say, "You can do what you want Abe, but

The next time you see me comin' you better run"

Well Abe says, "Where do you want this killin' done?"

God says, "Out on Highway 61."

"ALL OF 'EM?!"

At a recent fundraiser, Senator John Sidney McCain nearly lost his $1,000-a-plate lunch when a campaign aide informed him that, in fact, ALL American women have had the right to vote since 1920.

Cindy McCain continued to smile indifferently, though it remained unclear if she was apathetic about her husband's well-being or just cold on women's suffrage in general.

FURTHER EVIDENCE OF THE DEATH OF CIVILIZATION

Funny Money
The novelist Norman Douglas said "you can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements." If this is the case, what does this ad say about us?

Let Freedumb Ring!

The Rifleman