EUPHEMISM OF THE WEEK:

“STIMULUS”

Do you feel it, baby? I feel it in every nerve ending in my economy. Oh yeah, that was good. I could use a cigarette...and thanks to the remarkably shortsighted economic stimulus package our President has given us, I can even afford a few cartons of Marlboro Reds.

The stimulus has the weight of a feather, and it’s intended to tickle the scrotum of the American economy. It will do that. But the effect will last about as long as a male orgasm. Whether we each get three hundred bucks or a grand, it’ll be here today and gone tomorrow. The momentary spike will rapidly recede. And we’ll soon find ourselves in the very same sorry state, albeit with a bigger international debt to pay down. Swiping the ole plastic can feel good, and it may even provide a quick fix in a pinch. But remember, credit card bills are paid with interest.

Definition: Credit Card Economics. See also Dutchboy’s Finger.