This breed lives by the motto “if you can’t be it, look it.” A Hairdo is much more than carefully coiffed locks; it’s a state of mind. Generally speaking, the more sculpted and plasticine the tresses, the more sculpted and plasticine the policy.
Hairdos rarely reside in the Oval Office, but they turn up frequently as second banana to a Suit (see Pick-a-Pol part 2)…some historical examples can be found in Spiro Agnew, Dan Quayle, James Schoolcraft Sherman, and Walter Mondale. The only logical explanation for this is that, much like children, Hairdos are better seen than heard. The connection to children is made all the more apparent since Hairdos are often renowned baby-kissers.
A rare historical example of a Hairdo President is found in Martin Van Buren, that well-coifed dandy who, by all accounts, was more interested in his appearance than he was in working for the American people. Cases in point, the Panic of 1837 and the Trail of Tears, both of which reportedly took place while MVB sat snuggly in the barber's chair.
The American people, while notoriously gullible, are usually able to see through the Brylcreem and the blow-drying well before they step up to ink-a-vote a Hairdo into the Presidency. Still, examples of this most vainglorious of pols can be found in the Gubenatorial mansions of many states and the Mayor’s offices of most US cities.
This year, there's a couple of Hairdos vying for the nation’s top job. There’s the haloed, clean-as-a-whistle fluff fantasia of perennial schoolboy John Edwards. And there’s the rock hard, crispy-fried, pomaded and Pennzoiled helmet hair of the man from Massachusetts, Mitt Romney. Neither of them have a prayer of being elected, but isn’t it funny how much easier it is to say “President Mitt Romney” or “President John Edwards” when prefaced by the word “Vice?” That, my friends, is what’s become known in American Politics as the “Grecian-Formula Phenomenon.”
My advice: TIME FOR A TRIM.
No comments:
Post a Comment